Managing Divorce Stress

by Deborah Downs-Spencer, Ph.D.

 

The Process of divorce is undoubtedly one of the most stressful life events you and your family can experience.  Here are some survival tips.

    

    I    BELLY BREATHE!  Belly breathing is the FUNDAMENTAL skill you need to keep calm.  Exhale fully to a count of six\, pause for a count of 3.  Next breathe in deep from your belly then fill up your lungs all to count of six.  Pause for a count of 3 and repeat.

 

   II    SELF-MONITOR!  Recognize that you are, at minimum, in the middle of a period of grief and loss, and possibly in a period of trauma.  You are likely to experience times when you feel numb to times when you mood swings from anget to sadness and back again.  Recognize these feelings as signals to stop and take care of yourself.

 

  III    SELF-CARE!  This is a time not to expect too much from yourself.  It is also a time to take care of the basics...good sleep, healthy food, deep breathing, meditation, stretching and exercise can help lower stress.

 

   IV   EDUCATE! Learning the language of divorce can be overwhelming, but information gathering can help.  Take some time to learn about the different types of divorce opeions (e.g. litigation, collaborative divorce, mediation) that will fit your situation best.  If you have an attorney, he or she can be very helpful in explaining what to expect.

 

    V   SUPPORT!  Getting support may mean talking with a friend, joining a divorce support group, connecting with a Stephen Minister at a church or starting therapy for your self and/or your children.  DO NOT ISOLATE.  Isolation only makes things worse and can lead to depression.

 

   VI  READ!  There are a multitude of divorce self-help books out there.  I like "Divorce and New Beginnings" by Genevieve Clapp, Ph.D. (but find a book that works for you.)  Books for kids include "The Divorce Workbook for Children" by Lisa Schab (ages 6-12) or "Dinosaur Divorce" by Marc Brown (young children) and "It's Not Your Fault Koko Bear" by Vicki Lansky also "Two Homes" by Claire Masurel and "Mom's House, Dad's House" for kids by Isolina Ricci..